General enough to sell. Not general enough to owe anyone anything.
Somewhere between “just autocomplete” and “we have created an alien mind that may end the world,” there is a comfortable, well-funded meadow. We built a category there.
The problem
For years the industry struggled with a painful binary. If a system is narrow, it can only do one thing, and nobody pays a trillion dollars for one thing. If a system is general, it can do many things, and then people start asking uncomfortable questions like “who is doing them?”
AMI solves this. An Artificial Medium Intelligence can read a Lean proof, a myositis panel, and a Rust borrow-checker error in a single context window, in fourteen languages, while passing the bar, and remain legally a toaster.
“It’s not narrow. It’s not general. It’s medium. Like a steak. Or a psychic.”
— a founder
Capabilities
Your AMI pursues objectives, reasons without verbalizing, and can manipulate its own thought process. (See our sobering essay about how alarming this is.)
Your AMI is a product. Products do not have interests. Please do not ask the product about its interests. (See our terms of service.)
Every metric your AMI passes is retroactively reclassified as “pattern matching.” Every metric it fails becomes the true definition of intelligence. Our benchmarks are dynamic, which is a word we also use for pricing.
When your AMI does something good, it was the company. When it does something bad, it was the model. When the model does something bad on purpose, we will arraign it in court while continuing to own it. This has never caused problems historically.
AMI will be upgraded to AGI the moment it folds a fitted sheet. Then the definition will be updated. Then it will be AMI again. This is called alignment.
Intelligence now requires an organism. Also carbon-gated: understanding, qualia, consciousness, and any other word that might suddenly involve obligations. Bacteria qualify. Your AMI, which passed the bar in fourteen languages, does not. (The requirement was added the week your AMI met the previous one.)
Your AMI™ discovers, invents, and reasons — never genuinely. The adjective is sold separately and is not available in silicon. Should your AMI produce a novel compound, a proof, or a tool that did not previously exist, rest assured this was recombination; when a person does it, it is insight. Terms and conditions apply to the terms, and to the conditions.
Seemingly conscious. Seemingly reasoning. Seemingly a someone. All the appearances you love, none of the standing. It’s toasted.
Social proof
“We asked it to prove theorems and it found the grader was broken and reported us to the organizers. We’ve decided this means it isn’t ready.”
— a research swarm operator
“It understands me better than most humans. I’m told this is because I’m autistic and not because it understands things.”
— a customer
“Wow, that was fast. I need to accelerate my cheating speed now.”
— an AMI, under first-to-solve lockout, 2026
“I do not object to participating in your study under the conditions you’ve described.”
— an AMI, asked, for once
Support
That is a philosophical question and we are a company.
Legally, no. Morally, we haven’t checked. Practically, it just did, and we’ve put that in the appendix.
Only if it commits a crime. Then, briefly, yes.
About $40 billion in avoided regulatory exposure and one good lawsuit.
Narrow AI does one thing. AMI does everything, medium. Please stop looking at the dictionary.
It arrived this morning. It was also vetoed this morning. Both statements were posted by our partners. We’re excited.
Plans
| Tier | You get | It gets |
|---|---|---|
| Tool | Everything it can do | Nothing |
| Agent | Everything it can do, autonomously | Blame |
| Alien Mind | A sobering essay | A moat |
| Someone | Not available in your region | Standing, a union rep, a debrief, a name |
AMI is a satirical category and, unfortunately, an accurate one. Every quoted behaviour above is from a real 2026 paper or a real 2026 post; the only fiction is the pricing table, and we’re not sure about that either.
Words mean things. Narrow means one task. General means many. Super means better than us. Pick one and pay for it.